Attitude is everything

A few weeks ago, prior to the entire world being closed, I had an experience with a woman that reminded me of how important attitude and expectations are in our daily lives. I was out running errands after a networking meeting and I stopped at Kohl’s to return a shirt I had purchased that didn’t quite fit. As I sat in the car for a minute, I noticed another vehicle had pulled up just about the same time. The two of us exited our vehicles and headed for the door.

This woman was about 4 steps ahead of me and walking with force. I realized she wasn’t just walking fast, but that something had probably gone wrong for her that morning and her quick paced walk was fueled by anger and frustration. We got to the outer door and because I was still about 4 steps behind her I didn’t expect her to pause to hold the first door open. That being said, the distance decreased once we reached the inner doors and it was definitely appropriate for her to give the door a little extra pause as she passed through. However, when she got to the outer door, she grabbed it and threw it open as hard as she possibly could, causing the recoil closure to be a little faster than I had anticipated. The gap between her and I had decreased but she did the exact same thing with the second door which would have hit me had I not already been trained by door #1.

Now here’s where it gets interesting. I knew that she was trying to open the door wide thinking that it would stay open long enough for me to make it through. I also knew that this was probably due to her having a bad morning already and taking it out on the world without having to be accused of being a complete jerk. I also realized that she probably needed a kind word but wasn’t open to much interaction, so I said to her as we passed through door #2, “Thank-you.” Her back still towards me and without a skip in her heavy foot stepped pace, she angrily retorted, “Yeah, I knew you were behind me. That’s why I swung the door open so wide, Bitch!”

I quickly responded in as much of a sincere tone as I could muster after having just been called a bitch, “No, No.. I got you. I saw what you were doing, and I was sincerely saying thanks for that.” After a shake of her head and a flick of her middle finger while she was continuing to walk away from me, I stopped for a moment and just watched her move through the store. I found myself wondering what could have happened in her life that would make her react that way.

Attitude and expectation are everything. Her expectation was that the world would respond to her with anger. Her experience in life, probably has her believing that people are jerks and that the most appropriate response is anger and a definite F.U. attitude. She was so invested in that expectation she thought that my “thank you” was absolutely sarcastic. This is understandable given that she was very aware of what the door did on its way back to being closed. However, when I replied with an acknowledgement of the misunderstanding and a much more intentional tone of sincerity, I was a bit taken aback by her continued direct anger.

Here is my point:

You can be so devoted to your idea that the world only gives you lemons that you miss the moments when it isn’t. Even more than that, you can cause that expectation to actually become a reality. I had a few choices when it was clear that there had been a misunderstanding. Rather than attempting to clear up the misunderstanding, I could have easily replied with an expletive rant that would make a sailor blush. I could have fed into her tightly held beliefs and fueled her future reactions.

Be mindful that your expectation predisposes you to filter out information that contradicts it. You might be willfully ignoring positive experiences that will help you to change your interpretation of your experience in this world. So, sit with that a minute. When you respond to someone, are you actually responding to them or to your internal interpretation? When your day is going particularly bad, are you looking out for those moments that can be bright spots or filtering anything out that doesn’t fit your narrative of “This sucks!”

Actively seek out information that reinforces the positive in your life. Pay attention and notice those moments when someone smiles at you, holds the door, tells you that you are amazing, etc. It will change your life!